I have taken on board the various feedback that I have been given, such as not holding certain shots for too long, showing the best pieces of footage in the woods (unfortunately I had to miss out the whisky part as I haven't included much footage as there is limited time for that scene; however I still feel it works well), I have varied the shots that I have used throughout, used some cross-faes, got rid of the zoom in the bus part and also used the singer as a counter-point to narrative.
When the actress is in the woods, I have used the singer as a contradiction, so that the audience realise that the teenager in the woods who is seen to be having a bad time, is clearly in a bad way due to the black and white effect, as the singer is shown in colour and there is a bright background, emphasising the teenagers unhappiness. I feel that this works extremely well.
Also, when the actress is shown to walk under the bridge, "trust in me" is played which suggests that she is finally realising that she needs to reflect on her actions of running away from home and I feel like this part of the narrative is a turning point, as if she enters the unexpected at the other side of the bridge because when she comes out the other side, the sun is shining and her face is lit up by the light, suggesting that she has had some form of realisation. After this happens, she goes into the woods to reflect and realises that she needs to go home to try and make things better; however when she returns home, things don't go as planned.
Overall, I think that the music video has worked extremely well and I feel like everything has gone to plan like I wanted. In terms of the narrative, the audience are left with an enigma at the end which I think is really effective as it is not what they expect and it leaves them wanting more, wondering what will happen next, linking to Barthes' narrative theory.
Let me know what you think of the rough cut - feedback is extremely helpful:
Rough Cut
I have also sent out my video to a sample of my target audience to receive their thoughts too, which will be extremely helpful:
Comments on latest cut
ReplyDeleteI think this is the best version so far, although there are still improvements to make. These are mainly technical, some editing and some camera-work. With regard to the camera, short of re-shooting, I'm not sure what else you can do, but see the comments below.
During the opening argument, I wonder whether you can edit the cuts so they match the beat or timing of the music (for example, the moment where the bass comes in at about 00:07)? Might be more effective and create more of a sense of drama/ narrative? You will obviously get credit linked to the perceived needs of a video in terms of links to musicality. You do manage this a lot of the time, and it's a lot slicker than it was.
The shakiness of the camerawork in the woods will need to be taken into account when I mark the work, if you leave it as it is. It will certainly put the video down to the middle of level 4, since it's very noticeable.
The first shot of you in the woods is held for a little too long. I would like to see a cut before "I didn't think it would come to this" (either a digitally-rendered CU of your face edited from the existing shot or a different shot if you have one) before cutting back to the original on "It is what I feared".
Is there meant to be a shot of the phone being left on the bed? Ideally, I would suggest that we should see it being knocked off the bed and kicked under the bed. Later in the video, you could shoot a short vignette of the mother entering the bedroom and looking around, possibly with a shot of the phone under the bed and her feet behind it?
The shot of the door opening at about 00:35 seems to cut a little swiftly - I would either remove it or extend it a little.
A similar comment to the above about the shot at 00:36-00:41; I would aim to cut before the line "I don't like it anymore" and either digitally render a CU or re-shoot the sequence.
The montage leading up the bus could be edited a little more slickly to the beat; the shot of the bus cuts a little too quickly IMO.
I love the shot of you in the woods at 00:50, but you might want to hold it for about a beat longer?
When Steph is crossing the bridge, I would cut perhaps a beat later.
I think you hold the shot of Steph approaching the bridge at about 02:10 a little too long; I would cut before the "C'mon"
Although it's better, I still think the pace of editing at the "this is nothing to be proud of" sequence is a little slow, considering the pace of the music. I think that a more tightly edited montage would be more effective here in order to move the story on (you could, for example, include some more shots of the phone with xx missed calls to break it up etc.). Where you do increase the pace, make sure you edit to the beat.
Not keen on the tilt at 02:56; it's a bit messy. You go from CU to CU to CU; the two book-end shots are fine, but you need something else for "We all have problems we haven't shared"
Again, the final sequence is good, but I would like to see it edited to the beat slightly more.
I love the final shot of you walking away. Maybe try a cross-fade or fade through black rather than a straight cut (or the weird focussy-fade thing).
Overall, this is probably the best version so far; I would place it at the lower end of Level 4 (probably about 32/33, so on a par with Katie's from last year. If the editing is tightened, I can probably put it mid-level, since the only issue then would be some of the camera-work.